Doin' it right...
What Kind of Sex Can I Have if My Vagina is Broken and I Have No Immune System?
Oh you boring ass standardly abled twats with your standard old penis-into-vagina-into-ass-and-finally-back-into-mouth-because-we-watched-too-much-porn-and-we-don’t-quite-understand-how-babies are-made ways. You are so fucking unimaginative.
You actually have no right to ask how, if, or when do I ever have sex if my body is exactly as broken as I have described and frankly I find you offensive. But I heard you thinking it, so I will oblige.
About three times a week, I like to fuck myself with the tiniest yet finest high quality dual density silicone dildo money can buy for exactly the forty-two seconds it takes me to come. It is four soft tender inches of pure gentle penetrative bliss. I wash myself and the dildo first to avoid unnecessary infections and complications. I scream “GOD YES SLAP ME IN THE FACE AND BREAK ME YOU HOT TRANNY BITCH” usually somewhere around second thirty nine while scrunching my eyes closed and hoping I bust an O before my struggling heart decides to spaz out again.
I like to watch other people standardly fuck while I draw them in my sketchbook and laugh menacingly in the dark. I don’t get off from this. I just sort of like to do it.
When I feel up to it, I enjoy having special ladies sit on my chest, stomach or pelvis, crushing me nicely while I focus on contracting the muscles of my vagina until I have a hot screaming orgasm. Go ahead, put all your weight down on me, I can usually handle it. I love a lady with a nice soft squishy body, sweet shoes, and lots of glitter. I love it when she smiles and looks down at me while wondering what the fuck is going on and why I love being crushed by her amazing body so much. I think came a little from writing this.
I like thinking about putting dicks in my mouth while slapping myself and using the smallest most comfortable anal vibrator you’ve ever seen. I like to preform self bondage and tie myself to a chair. How WILL I get out?
If you issue me a formal invitation to a consensual gangbang and there is any remote possibility that I will be able to stand up and get out of bed that day – you bet your sweet ass I will RSVP and do my best to show up with my strap on harness and an array of attachments – ladies choice – I’ve got a dildo for everyone! I will listen to your needs and requests as only a woman can and I will bang the shit out of you and I will fuck myself up permanently trying to prove that I’m the best man for the job out of all of these boring ass standardly abled fucknuts. I will never tell you that I’m going to spend the next three days of my life whimpering in pain and struggling to get water down. Or that I took a month off of work just to do this.
I will suck on girls toes. Not like some gross standardly abled foot fetish guy. I’m not going to open wide and shove her whole foot into my huge gaping pizza hole while I floss between her toes with my tongue as able bodied assholes so often do. I am a gentleman. I will just put her feet up on my shoulder and use my tiny feminine mouth to have the smallest most polite nibble while stroking myself gently. I like the little pinky toes and that outer fat pad on the biggie big toe. Give it the fuck to me! Nom nom nom
I love men who are so confidently masculine that they give not one single fuck if I would like to lay on my back and relax while they just go ahead and lower themselves down onto my well lubed, itty bitty, ever so slender mosquito snout of a strap-on that I reserve just for the virginal assholes of masculine boys. I love it how hetero boys act all confused like ‘oh wait what should I be doing? I’ve never done this before’ for about a split second and a half and then they start working my prosthetic cock like its a goddamned stripper pole. Military boys are always game for this. And I will come like a rock star while they are riding me – its like goddamned Make A Wish Foundation for MADcrippled whores.
I love it when I meet a beautiful shy guy with a nice firm peach-like nutsack. You know the kind – where its just PLUMP as fuck and all fused together and tight with a raised line running down the middle from the base of his cock to his taint. The kind of ballsack that makes you feel like you just want to suck on it but you can’t because: immune system troubles. I love to pinch man nipples and super gently finger fuck freshly cleaned man assholes while I sit momentarily on my tiny four inch, sterilized, well lubricated dildo.
That just makes my fucking day.
Aren’t you sorry you ever wondered in the first place? Are you panicking now and thinking “god what about all the emotional trauma??? isn’t she a rape survivor??? I wouldn’t that think a traumatized cripple could enjoy sex with all her broken parts, and all of her probably broken feelings, more than I can enjoy it with all of my standardly abled parts and feelings. I guess I just figured she would be lucky to find a sweet innocent disabled boyfriend who just really really enjoys holding hands and loves her for her personality. Like a more grown up version of Corky.”
Three closing points. First, I doubt anyone is going to love me for my personality – I’m an ANGRY cripple.
Second, being in a permanently hallucinogenic state of synesthesia ruins many things. But sex is not one of them. I can taste your pussy or cock from across the room with the skin on my eyes and my face. My whole body is a tongue. I don’t even really need to meet you, we’ve already connected.
Finally, I will take any sweet, sappy, ‘innocent’, disabled potential boyfriend that you introduce to me and I will smear apricot colored lipstick all over his nipples and then bend him over and gently fuck him in the ass, if he will consent. It will only take three minutes out of his day. Let him know where I’m at.